Wanda: A Life Remembered

Wanda Margaret Harrington
June 4th, 1775 - June 15th, 2015

Today the world lost an amazing soul.

Wanda Margaret Harrington was born on a hot summer day in London, 1775. Shortly thereafter, her family was thrown into prison on suspicion of aiding the American rebels in the Revolutionary War. Wanda spent the next 50-60 years of her life scrounging for scraps of fish food and fighting off gangs of street urchins.

Not much is known of Wanda between 1830-1900.
Several sources point to opium dens and jail cells.

Harrington resurfaced in April of 1912 after she had stowed away on some huge new ship. Here she meets an upperclass Atlantic Cod named Jack Dawson and falls in love. As with many of the relationships in Wanda’s life, a giant iceberg emerges.

During the madness of the crash, Jack and Wanda were unable to secure a spot on one of the lifeboats. Holding fins, they jumped into the icy Atlantic waters with the hope of finding a buoyant object. They found a door that could only hold one of them and Jack kicked her off. Then they realized they could just swim, cause, you know, they’re fish. Wanda arrived in New York and promptly broke off her relationship with Jack. 

Wanda fought in both world wars, receiving multiple commendations for bravery. She also went and saved some guy named Ryan. Tom Hanks came with. They were lifelong friends. Wanda returned to the States and spent the next few years relaxing with her new boyfriend, Matt Damon.

The 60s and 70s flew by in a haze of drugs and rock concerts. Wanda can be seen in many iconic photos from Woodstock. She was cool, man.

During the early 1990s, Wanda re-kindled her relationship with Jack Dawson (who had changed his name to Jordan Belfort) and did more drugs. Later she realized Belfort was doing some highly illegal actions, so Wanda turned states and was granted witness protection.

Wanda lived the rest of her life as an office fish at Pacific Lutheran University, bestowing joy and wisdom to all she met. She will be missed.

Wanda Margaret Harrington passed away at 1:16 PM on June 15th, 2015. She was 240 gold-fish years old.